The list of original song nominations for tonight's Oscars ceremony promises few surprises. Sting will competently deliver "Until" from "Kate & Leopold"; Randy Newman, celebrating his 16th Oscar nomination, will trot out "If I Didn't Have You" from "Monsters, Inc.," with John Goodman supplying backup.

Faith Hill will attempt to inject life into six-time nominee Diane Warren's "There You'll Be" from "Pearl Harbor"; someone, maybe even Himself, will trill Paul McCartney's "Vanilla Sky" from the film of the same name. First-time nominee Enya will probably be the musical highlight with "May It Be" from "Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring."

Sadly, there will be no rumpled Elliott Smith shambling out to bring indie rock to the masses with "Miss Misery"; no Isaac Hayes tearing the stage apart with the "Theme From 'Shaft.' "

The ceremony could be saved from its self-induced doldrums if only the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences were savvy enough to recognize the real rock stars in its midst -- five lads whose cuddly good looks, ensemble charisma and youthful charm have already made them teen idols.

We're talking about Hobbits, of course. More specifically, the four Hobbits (and one Elf) who star in "The Fellowship of the Ring." A quick check of fan message boards on Yahoo. and MSN.com shows that the Fellowship Five are fast gaining on 'N Sync as fantasy boys du jour: Wistful reveries about Justin Timberlake alternate with lustful longings for Orlando Bloom (Legolas Greenleaf, the sexy Elf); fan fiction pairs JC Chasez with Elijah Wood (Frodo Baggins, the immaculate Hobbit).

Combine four Hobbits, an Elf, two turntables and a microphone and you have the makings for the biggest teen sensation since Lou Pearlman figured out how to make little girls scream. And the Academy Awards, alas, might have followed Ed Sullivan into the history books by presenting their musical debut.

Picture the Fellowship Five ascending from a fiery pit, surrounded by a spectacular mockup of the Mines of Moria, singing "Pop (the Gandalf Remix)." Visualize Frodo and Legolas battling for lead solos while Samwise "Sam" Gamgee (Sean Astin), Peregrin "Pippin" Took (Billy Boyd) and Meriadoc "Merry" Brandybuck (Dominic Monaghan) harmonize in the background, their hairy feet slapping rhythmically over the screams of the crowd. A smoky Balrog demon supplies pyrotechnics. Sting attempts a cameo and is incinerated. In the front row, Kevin Spacey swoons.

Thanks to the academy's lack of imagination, tonight's ceremony will feature no such spectacle. But there's always next year, when a computer- generated Gollum could deliver a trip-hop rendition of June Carter's "Ring of Fire" to commemorate the release of "The Two Towers." By then, of course, the Fellowship Five will be old news, Middle Earth will be at war and Newman will be up for his 17th best-song nod for a composition titled "Short People (With Hairy Feet)." The saga continues.